my first enema. you may not want to read this.

i know many of you have been patiently waiting to hear the tale of my first enema. if you are not one of these people, stop reading now. this is going to get graphic.

i wish i had something more exciting to say about it. but honestly, it wasn't too bad and nothing notable occured, though it did take me a good hour and a half to get through it. let me break it down for you:

1. apparently the most critical part of an enema is getting the water temperature correct. i was really concerned about this and tried to get it as close to body temperature as possible, erring on the side of warmer, rather than cooler. note: each time i filled the bucket i included approximately 4 oz of the fenugreek liquid.
2. i rubbed castor oil all over my stomach to encourage the fecal matter to become less stuck to whatever it's stuck to. this is a directive from karyn, clearly.
3. next, i put 2 towels down on the floor, hung the bucket from the doorknob and practiced operating the on/off valve. i laid down on my left side, lubed up the end of plastic tubing with some castor oil and mentally prepared myself. i tried to console myself with thoughts of gay men giving themselves enemas and the fact that i am no stranger to foreign matter in my anus.
4. i inserted the plastic tubing and started the flow. honestly i barely felt anything aside from the initial sensation of water and kept my eyes glued on the bucket, watching the water level drop. i was really paranoid about putting too much in and exploding my internal organs, so initially i was very cautious. i didn't wait until i felt "full" but when i decided there was enough in there i turned off the valve, got up, and got onto the toilet to "eliminate."
   
5. the sensation of the water pouring out of my butt was disturbingly similar to my very brief bout with an intestinal/digestive issue i had a couple of months ago. though, on this occasion i had no cramping or pain, so it was surprisingly bearable. let's be honest - we've all squirted water out of our butts at one time or another and as long as there is no accompanying pain, it really isn't a big deal.
6. i got back on the floor, reinserted and started the process again. this time i was braver and totally fascinated by the volume of liquid i could hold in there! i never felt desperately full and it really was not uncomfortable. i repeated the fill-eliminate process until the bucket was empty. during this time, the water remained clear, causing me to wonder how effective it was.
7. next, i rolled onto my right side and started another bucket. i wondered no longer. this time around, the water was no longer clear. however, what started coming out of me was just liquified poop, nothing more. it was as if the fecal matter that was "on deck" in my colon came out with the water. i'm sure it would have come out normally the next time i had a bowel movement. next, i did another bucket, this time while laying flat on my back. it came out clear.
8. enemas clean so low in the digestive track, i don't feel like i removed any mucus or that i had particularly cleansed my insides. however, like the sicko that i am, i thoroughly inspected the contents of the toilet every time i eliminated to make sure nothing spectacular was coming out. as i mentioned it was really pretty tame, though the one item of interest that i noticed floating around was one of those (apparently indigestible) stickers that is usually found on produce. i guess i am kind of lazy about my food sometimes...
   
9. now, for the weird part: the "implant." i put 4 oz of liquid chlorophyll in the bucket, inserted the tube, and then instead of filling and immediately eliminating, i held the chlorophyll for 20 minutes. it wasn't as big of a deal as i thought it would be. for those of you who are spacially challenged like myself, 4 oz is a half cup, which is approximately half of a normal-sized mug. karyn mentioned that some people have a hard time holding the chlorophyll, but i'm not sure what she meant by that, as i'm not sure what would be problematic about it. when my 20 minutes were up, i let it out and i was done!
   
10. all in all, i noticed little effect from the experience. my first two bowel movements the next day were a little weird, but other than that i felt normal. oh yeah - it should be noted that the chlorophyll turned my shit bright green. it kind of reminded me when i ate the green bagel on st. patrick's day and became horribly sick as a result. but that's another story. if anyone has any questions, just post a comment. i'd be happy to share.