Let's be honest.

It doesn't really matter what I ate today, but I do want to tell you what I had for dinner:

-a small handful of trail mix
-a lot of tofu/peanut butter/chocolate pudding
-more peanut butter (on a spoon)
-a chicken leg
-some milk

Seriously, you can't make this shit up.

Sometimes I come home late and I'm tired and hungry. I don't want to cook so I just eat a few bites of a bunch of random crap. All in all, this wasn't a terrible "meal" but I do kind of wish I had steamed some asparagus and ate it along with some frittata, as originally planned. But that damn frittata took too long!

Also, tofu pudding should be reclassified as a dinner food instead of dessert. It has no sugar! Only a squirt of agave and a bit of stevia. It's tofu and peanut butter: pure protein! And everyone knows cocoa powder is pretty much inert, right?

The rest of the week.

You know, I can't really remember what I ate because I waited too long to blog about it. I can tell you that on Friday I had a "healthy" wrap and I felt like absolute shit for the rest of the day. I blame the whole wheat tortilla. Seriously, every time I eat wheat, I feel like shit. It's a relatively new phenomenon, and I blame myself. When wheat was the status quo, it was all good. Now I eat more than a bite of it and I feel like someone deposited a brick in my stomach.

Anyway, I was decent this week, but I did have a few indiscretions, including:
-half a bagel
-a modest amount of mac and cheese (about 1/2 cup)
-a small bit of hashbrown
-toast (to be fair it was whole wheat-ish, but I ate a lot of it)

I also went to a wedding and let myself cheat. I ate:
-WHITE potatoes
-2 dinner rolls
-1.5 cupcakes

I have been maintaining my weight okay, but not losing. I need to step it up.

Still going (relatively) strong!

On Wednesday, I went to a special pop up restaurant that a friend was cooking at and ate some dumplings and rice noodles. I've been preparing for this day and haven't been over doing it on carbs at all, so I felt pretty comfortable with it.

Other than that, pretty normal stuff. I've been shocked at how full my breakfast keeps me and even more shocked that I'm not maxing out my full carb allotment everyday. I have been craving both chocolate and dairy like a mofo though. I swear I cannot get enough milk. So good. Though, I absolutely cannot stand the taste of conventional anymore; it's organic or nothing. I definitely believe in organics (especially dairy) for sure, but I think I'm hooked on the super clean taste of ultra pasteurization. It makes a huge difference.

Monday:
-1 T. peanut butter, 3 chocolate chips, 2 walnuts
-orange
-leftover thai chicken/mushroom soup; salad (lettuce, cucumber)
-hummus
-tofu scramble (tofu, tahini, zucchini, bell pepper, onion) with 1/2 c. brown rice
-orange
-walnut ricotta cups (walnuts, eggs, ricotta, chocolate, and a tiny amount of agave)
-lots of ricotta (and chocolate) while making above (see also note on dairy)

Tuesday:
-1 T. peanut butter, 3 chocolate chips, 2 walnuts
-tofu scramble with 1/2 c. brown rice
-orange
-salad from chipotle with lettuce, black beans, green pepper, pico, carnitas, and a bit of guacamole (so good!)
-2 walnut ricotta cups
-milk

Wednesday:
-1 walnut ricotta cup
-1 T. peanut butter, 3 chocolate chips, 2 walnuts
-orange
-tofu scramble with 1/2 c. brown rice, salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber)
-apple
-smoked tofu and ramp salad (legit), ramp/chive/egg dumplings (VERBOTEN!), bowl of noodles with ground pork and spicy sauce (VERBOTEN!)
-3 walnut ricotta cups
-a little more leftover ricotta

working for the weekend.

Weekends are hard, but I did okay.

Friday:
-peanut butter and flax with 3 chocolate chips and 2 chopped up walnuts for texture
-a few dried cranberries (I am sure these had more sugar than I should have had, but I only had like 5)
-kale/tomatoes/chickpea stew; 2 tiny slices of (LEGIT) cocktail rye, which is whole grain AND has minimal sugar. Whoo!
-chinese chicken, some sopressata, iced green tea
-a few more cranberries, some almonds, some milk
-two coctails, which were delicious. I'm sure sugar was involved.

I can feel my appetite dialing back. It's so weird to be so much more aware of this compared to last time. Also, the withdrawal is way, way easier. Sugar cravings were tough for the first three days, but are much better now. No killer headache this time around either.

Saturday
-some almonds, a small orange
-2 poached eggs, a whole wheat waffle with berries
-3 small pieces of cheese pizza (not legit!), salad
-1 dark chocolate heart

That waffle was way too big, and I felt stuffed and kind of gross after eating it, but at least it was 100% whole wheat. I shouldn't have eaten pizza for dinner, but hell, it's Saturday. I need a little break over the weekend.

Sunday
-some chinese chicken, a little bit of thai chicken (with a little white rice)
-snacks: sopressata, hummus, peach, almonds
-thai food: some beefy thing, a salad with ground chicken and eggplant + other veggies
-2 small fancy chocolate bars from vosges. Felt really excess to eat two, but one just did not cut it. Though, I just looked at the vosges website and apparently it was only an ounce of chocolate total, and that doesn't sound so bad, does it?

alert: double salad day!

I ate both lunch and dinner out and had salads both times. I was actually craving (another) salad by dinner time, so I must have turned some kind of corner. This is kind of crazy, though I remember feeling like this before I hopped off the wagon.

Also, my boyfriend surprised me with some really good thai chicken soup with mushrooms. He knows how to feed me low carb! In the interest of full disclosure, I also ate one bite of his delicious dessert-type thing which was basically banana and coconut smooshed up in a spring roll wrapper and fried. Holy shit, it was good. Only one bite!

I ate:

-peanut butter (1T) with ground flax, 2 chocolate chips
-a great salad with greens, sunflower seeds, walnuts, and some amazing chipotle chicken salad. I need to make something like this at home!
-an apple
-another great salad: greens, sun-dried tomatoes, cauliflower, okra, eggplant, capers, mushrooms, green beans, peas, 1 dolma, chicken, and a small piece of feta. Wow!
-small bowl of soup (clear broth, chicken, mushrooms)

starting over.

Okay, did pretty well today, though I felt really hungry and that sucked.

-peanut butter/flax with 2 chocolate chips (I actually cut them up into small pieces. Pathetic)
-chinese chicken with brown rice, green beans, mushrooms and spinach, salad with romaine and half an avocado
-a mango
-an apple
-more chinese chicken

I'm banking on the fact that my chinese chicken thing probably has about 1/2 cup of rice per serving. I used 1 cup of dry rice, so I'm assuming that it probably turned into 2 - 3 cups cooked and I will make sure I get 4 - 6 servings out of it.

I got home and had a major snack attack! I had a little bit of sopressata and then I made some hummus and had a bit of that too. I also had a piece of cheese. I felt a little grossly full before bed.

I actually don't think I'm hungry -- I think it's just mental! When I suspected my feeling of "hunger" after lunch was just a faker, I drank water to test it out. My stomach felt full and I realized that this is just one of sugar's nasty tricks. I'm only two days back on the wagon, so I'm assuming I'll be better in another 2 or 3 days.

Yeesh.

Okay, I thought I was getting back on the wagon, but social obligations are making it hard. I have eaten lots and lot of forbidden foods in the week, including but not limited to:

-tacos
-cookies
-donuts
-beer
-bread
-puff pastry
-tortilla chips
-more baked goods

But, I kind of grossed myself out and haven't been feeling so great, so I really do feel ready now. Today I am on board with a vengeance. I will even grocery shop later so I am truly prepared.

Today:
-Fruit salad for breakfast (not ideal, but mostly berries, so okay)
-some almonds
-salad with tomatoes, asparagus, avocado, feta, and chicken (this was really good)
-the tiniest sliver of chocolate torte for my co-worker's birthday (they made me!) I swear I barely had any and the chocolate was pretty dark, so it wasn't terrible.
-some more almonds (just a few)
-kale/tomato stew with two poached eggs
-milk and a tiny bit of peanut butter
-a bit of chinese chicken, which I prepped for tomorrow

I feel like I ate a lot today.


And one more recap of my goals, just for myself:
-No refined flour or sugar
-No alcohol except for limited quantities of red wine
-No corn, beets, or white potatoes
-2 (1/2 cup) servings per day of whole grains
-2 servings of fruit per day
-dairy in moderation
-dark chocolate (over 60% cacao) in extreme moderation